Friday, March 21, 2008

experimenting beliefs, a guilty to plead

Just by far one of the hardest logic I could see, is the fact of unintentionally forgetting those who remember. I was there, and there was my print. Seemingly so, the print is now blurred. And it was my fault. I always dream what you have said, and belief what you have made. But it was never in my intention to forget what you have gave. The reasons are so opaque, and forgive is just another word.

Maybe so, you were there with me. You know me so well, but would you understand? The fact that I never knew you the way you know me is unwittingly ruining my life. I am a bad person.
Maybe you knew this from the start, and maybe you don't. Or easily acting like you don't. It is not my business to define. But what I am here for is for you to see that I know how I am now, I learned harsh lesson from my mistakes and knew where I stand among you. It is my weakness. And I could not help but to think that you have judged me the way I projected myself being to be, proclaiming that I have done my part for the best, for all of us. But instead, unknowingly, I have done nothing. Some of you may remember, and some of you will forget. But deep down, I am sure, even though I will be forgiven, I know you all will never see me the way you did before. For that I am really sorry. I know I was wrong.
For my Subang brothers, you know perfectly who you are and how you had touched many hearts. We cherish the past. A past that we had build together and had gone through together. We live up to the moment. A moment of chasing dreams. We fall many times and we stand back on. We strive for the future. A future that we know nothing off but are sure to come. I still remember the times that we would sit around and tell stories of our tales, our own moments and that was priceless. And for my Subang brothers, I owe you all an apology. A mistake that I ought to make up for. There were times that I had ditched you for something that were less important. And there were times that I was never there when you needed me. I have forgotten the vow we made, clearly but quietly, that we are brothers. Many of us have gone on the road that Allah S.W.T have made for us. And because of that I have made another huge mistake. And that is I tend to forget who you are and why you are important. I seems to take time for granted, take you for granted. I am sorry.
To my friends in Malacca, what am I without you. You were the ones that waited for me when everyone walk on. I am blessed to be able to stumble upon your faces. And there were number of times when I forget the reason I am there, you reminded me. And there were also times that I have gone over the lines, you saved me. We have met only awhile but we have lived like a family. But alas, I could not pretend that I have been the best for you, and I have made many mistakes to you. People change. And I know I have too. But I am asking you that I always remember who I was and how you see me. I am sorry for there was many times that I have not being a good friend. I have walked away while you long for my help. That was my mistake. And I am sorry for it.
Lastly, to Ann. You may be wondering why I am saying this. But you had came into my life in a way that I will never forget. You have touch me so deep. Whenever there were moments that I feel down, you were there to make my day. That is because you are something special. Remember the song that I have written for you on your birthday? Every single word of it, I really mean it. I know I have not been the best person lately, and I know I did, somehow, tormented you, but I did not mean it. I am really sorry for the worse person I have been to you. I am sorry.

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